Personal Pensieve
by oh-heydare
Summary: Reposted.  "That I don't trust you, Snape, as you very well know!" BellatrixxSnape, with bits of SnapexLily.  Originally for the 34fics challenge.


**AN: Was supposed to be BellatrixxSnape, but it ended up having SnapexLily too. And because I'm a more Canon type of person, I tried to write this in line with the books and I used a quote. I'm actually quite happy with how this one turned out and how it developed from the first moment when I typed in Bellatrix's line from the book.**

**Also, thanks Deblah (teodeborah3) for helping me to edit! I owe you!**

"That I don't trust you, Snape, as you very well know!" Bellatrix sneered.

Snape supressed a smirk. He heard the double meaning in her words, had she meant for him to? Was the very exact memory that was replaying in his head going through hers too? Was she remembering, _reminiscing_, the times where he held her small hand in his large, rough one? The times they spent together, with her running around, doing quirky things that only she did, and him _trying_ to catch up with her, and failing miserably?

He stole a glance at her. Her facial features were twisted in her signature scowl. He smiled a little, glad that he could cause such strong emotions in her.

She had been a little plaything of his. Something to just toy around with. Something to distract him. To distract him from the thought of his Lily Evans becoming Lily _Potter_. Of all people, she had to choose to marry that arrogant prat, Potter.

He didn't know what it was that made him forget about Lily Potter. All he knew was that when he was with Bellatrix, Lily Evans Potter just seemed to fade away, no longer dominating his thoughts. Perhaps it was her quirky and sadistic sense of humor that steered his thoughts away from the fiery red hair that was the centre of his universe. Maybe it was her eccentric personality that made him think of things other than brilliant green eyes. But whatever it was, it made him forget about Lily Evans Potter, his former best friend, companion and lover.

Bellatrix, with her striking midnight black hair and endless coal black eyes- the complete opposite of Lily's bright red hair and emerald green eyes. Bellatrix was like a Pensieve, but one that only took the thoughts and memories of Lily away.

But if he ever for a moment thought that he could wipe his mind clean of Lily, wash away any thoughts of her, he was wrong.

The night he heard the prophecy, the night the Dark Lord chose that boy, that was the night when everything came crashing down on him.

Voldemort was to kill the Potters? James, he delighted in. The one-year-old nuisance, didn't strike any emotion in him at all. But Lily? The sweetest, most beautiful girl he'd ever met? The most loyal friend he'd ever made? The one girl he ever truly loved? The girl who's trust he lost when he called her a _Mudblood_? Memories of the times they spent together came flooding back, hitting him with a tidal wave of emotion, sweeping him off his feet. A realization his him like the Hogwarts Express, his love for Lily had never disappeared, never been forgotten, and never will be.

His 'love' for Bella though, that was an entirely different story. Had he ever even truly loved Bella? Or was she just a tool to him?

He begged the Dark Lord to let her go, to pardon her. He joined forces with Dumbledore, of all people, just to try and save his beloved. But she just had to be all self-sacrificial that night, feebly trying to stand between Voldemort and her precious son. But that was the way he'd remembered her from their childhood- selfless, bold, courageous and intensely stubborn.

It was all over. Lily. Gone. He would never make her smile again, never hear her musical laughter again.

But there was still the problem of Bellatrix.

"_Why do you even bother trying to save that _Mudblood_?" she sneered._

"_Don't call her that." He said, glaring at her, his wand in her face, red sparks emitting from the tip dangerously._

"_Why not? It's what she is. You don't actually _care _for her do you?"_

_He remained silent._

"_Or do you? Do you... Do you _love_ her, Severus?"_

_The silence dragged on._

"_I understand," she said, nodding curtly before disapparating away._

Had she been hurt that day? Somewhere deep inside her sadistic nature, did she actually possess the capability to be hurt?

Snape looked back at her glaring, deep black eyes, amused with the way she was treating him. But somewhere inside of him, his heart twinged.

"Well, continue, Bellatrix," he said. "Why is it that you do not trust me?"

"A hundred reasons!" she said loudly, striding out from behind the sofa to slam her glass upon the table.

He leaned back into his chair, slightly eager to hear what she had to say about mistrusting him.


End file.
